Assignment 3-5: Developing a Revision Plan

•           A revision plan must start with making sure that document writing is complete in achieving its primary purpose in providing readers with exactly what the writer intended them to learn.  In so doing, writing must first have an appropriate introduction that verbally provides an adequate forecasting of what the rest of the writing will entail.  Also, the revision plan must also involve seeing if the writing’s conclusion ties together in succinct summary all of the main ideas expressed in the writing.

•           A revision plan must include making sure that the all of the writing’s sentences and ideas are coherently joined together to the ideas expressed in the topic sentence of each paragraph.  There must also be seen effective transitions between the writing’s sentences and paragraphs to achieve a smooth flow of ideas.

•           Lastly, an effective revision plan must include the checking for errors for possible typographical errors in spelling and grammar.

Mohammad Ashkanani

Assignment 3.4-Pt. 2a-Peer Review Essay

Mohammad Ashkanani

Professor: Rachael Sullivan

English 101

26 October 2011

Peer Review Essay of Dari Alshammari’s 3.2 Assignment

to “A.D. New Orleans After the Deluge”

by

Josh Neufeld

            Introduction:

Dari, your stressing to the reader that you made a point of attempting to distinctly and continually communicate the gravity of Neufeld’s intentions seemed to be your controlling purpose’s emphasis.  As a result, in your taking this course of interpretation, you felt that you were responding to Neufeld feelings related to his subject-matter. 

            Body of Writing:

While this is plausible, I don’t know for certain is it in realty, what Neufeld was trying to convey.  This is especially true in lieu of you admitting yourself that Neufeld never once came out and openly express this.  It is visually evident however, that Neufeld did present powerful pictures and a few words that were disturbing as they were touching. 

So I think each reader can interpret different levels of emotional reactions and feedback expressed to what was shown in Neufeld’s explicit cartoon display of drawings and words.  I do think, however, that your realization of providing a clear thesis statement in your introductory paragraph would have made your essay clearer in intent and in so doing, far more coherent to the reader. 

 I do believe, however, that in this being an interpretive essay that your writing did contain and express factors that were as informative as they were needed to be thought-provoking.  What I especially liked was you questioning yourself in a number of your decision-makings on how you could have possibly brought about greater clarity in your writing. 

            Conclusion:

It seems that you were torn between the amount of your writing that you focused on expressing your personal interpretations versus what was actually presented.  I do believe however that you questioning whether you produced an adequate mixture of personal interpretation, transitional contextures in quotation and a conclusion that summed up Neufeld’s argument was precisely the way all conclusions should be orchestrated.  To what extent you succeeded in this endeavor is relevant to its realization.

Assignment 3.4-Pt.2Peer Review Essay

Mohammad Ashkanani

Professor: Rachael Sullivan

English 101

26 October 2011

Peer Review Essay of Sarah Smith-Pittman’s 3.2 Assignment

to

“A.D. New Orleans After the Deluge”

by

Josh Neufeld

            Introduction:

Sarah, while your blog entry was rather short, I like the way it pinpointed the key mood of Neufeld expressing the urgency of the people regarding the deadly tragedy of human survival that they were literally trapped within. Your realization that Neufeld’s comic panels depicted a disturbing gap of injustice between the rich and poor was right on target.             

            Main Points;

I also believe as you, that this was surely one of Neufeld’s arguments and main message in creating this comic.  Although I don’t think entirely that having an education will always make the difference in being at the table and having resources always provided to you.  Tragedy has a way of striking all races, education levels of and economic classes (e.g. 9/11).

However, what I especially like about your writing was your realized obligation in being fortunate in having an education to help the poor and less advantaged in being as educated as you are.  Here I think was another message that Neufeld was trying to get across in his comic, and one I realize worked in your realization.  Yes, we all must do our part to help America live up to its creed of providing justice, equality and security to each and every citizen regardless of race, culture, religious preference or educational and economic level. 

            Conclusion:

So while your comment was brief, I think you said far more in a few words than many other students, as well as myself did in interpretively defining Neufeld’s comic using many words.  You have taught me that you don’t have to be wordy to be comprehensive and I think you.  All in all, I learned a great deal from reading your comment and while you gave no lengthy description of your method of writing, citing of quotes etc. you provided concise interpretation.

Assignment 3.4.Pt.1-Feedback Focus Areas

Mohammad Ashkanani

Professor: Rachael Sullivan

English 101

24 October 2011

Critical Interpretive Essay: “A.D. New Orleans After the Deluge”

by

Josh Neufeld

           

My attempt in draft form to personally interpret Josh Neufeld’s “A.D. New Orleans After the Deluge” began with the emphasis placed on my introduction.  This was because in my introduction, I attempted to make my readers understand the reasonings I felt why Neufeld’s had from the beginning of his comic, immediately engulfed the reader in a visual scenario of dire degradation on the level of a poverty stricken Third World country. 

These initial shocking depictions quickly gave way by page 218 to an even more alarming larger pictorial portrayal of mass hysteria. This mass hysteria was visually on a level that was extremely frightening even for a comic.  It was here that I did my best to express to the reader as clearly as I could explain my controlling purpose in all of this unbelievably happening to Americans in America. 

I felt this was one of the main factors that mattered to Neufeld, as I was also greatly incensed by it as well, and I did my best to respond to what I felt mattered most in Neufeld’s argument visually and verbally expressed in this most both shocking and heartbreaking comic.

I went on to attempt to critically interpret Neufeld’s main message conveyed through his comic by means of interjecting and adding where I felt appropriate and associative, in-text citations voiced by Neufeld’s main characters, in which he seemed to give more voice to than the many other voiceless but nonetheless, memorable tragic character victims.  It was a number of these verbal expressions of emotions ranging from intense anger to desperateness that cemented in worded definition the seemingly unexplainable human horror that Neufeld terrifyingly depicted in equally frightening accuracy of detail.

Hence I tried to comprehensively integrate Neufeld’s visual depictions, limited worded dialogue to define his purpose, context, medium and intended audience.  Although it has dawned on me after reading and writing about this assigned-subject comic, that Neufeld really needed no verbal wording in this comic whatsoever.  For it was Neufeld’s pure mastery of cartoon illustration that made abundantly clear the depth of grave seriousness of human suffering depicted in it.  This I feel was this comic’s true message that Neufeld was successful in visually conveying to the reader to bring about greater attention and resolution that this type of needless tragedy should never happen again and possibly a greater realization, that we are our brother’s keeper.

 

Works Cited

Neufeld, Josh. “A.D. New Orleans After the Deluge.”  First Year Composition Reader.  Boston, MA: Pearson Learning Solutions, 2011.

New Orleans

Working Thesis:

In A.D: New Orleans After the Deluge, Neufeld uses astounding shock of the unbelievable events to show the magnitude that Katrina had on New Orleans people. Also, the placement of the masses crowd in yellows and oranges help Neufeld’s readers feel the heat, suffering and pain of the people. Neufeld shows how harsh conditions such as being lost, tired, thirsty, and exhausted can change people, make them paranoid and push them to react in a cruel way yet it doesn’t destroy them and instead charity and goodness can still break through.

Even though Neufeld avoided politics in his comic, it can easily be felt in its images, of large-scale destruction, and of outraged and desperate citizenry who believe themselves abandoned by their government and through its characters' expressively turn into faces, streaming with sweat and twisted in pain to make it the worst natural disaster they have ever experienced. 

New Orleans

Statement of Purpose:

Hurricane Katrina stands as one of the greatest failings of the government role in rescuing New Orleans residents, where they left them struggling to survive; therefore, the mismanagement of the government toward such huge disaster, made it as much worse humanitarian disaster than it could have been.

New Orleans After the Deluge

 1.      Notice and Focus:

In page 216, when the woman entered the toilet and saw the toilet full of dirt and another woman doing her needs in the middle of it.

In page 220, when the people saw the writing on the moving truck “Poland Spring” and started to follow it begging for help to get a small drop of water.

In page 223, how the writer highlighted with the guy how came to separate the two fighting men with a different color than the rest of the drawing.

In page 224, the page with empty space and one speech balloon draws an attention on the guy and his daughter by explaining her situation and making the reader guessing what will come next.

In page 225, the drawing of the father and his daughter on the whole page, their facial expression, postures and gestures, makes the reader focus on the tragedy and the reason behind the father reaction when seeing the water bottle with the other man.

The last panel in page 229 has no boarder, perhaps to show the suffering of the mother and her baby. Also, their facial expression, postures and the daughter expression which is wrote in bold, different font style and different color than the rest of the texts indicate how much they are suffering from the heat and the thirstiness.

In page 230, the drawing of the woman pointing out more than the rest of the people, in order to show the picture of their suffering.

In page 234, the picture of the people faces is interesting, how all the faces are drawn close to each other, starting from bigger focused face to far smallest one, all to show the suffering of those people.

1  2.      Patterns:

a  a)      List of repititions:

·         Buses: 7

·         Lined up: 2

·         Water: 9

·         God: 4

·         People: 5

·         Houston: 2

·         Fuckers: 2

·         Help: 3

·         Shit: 4

·         Folk: 3

b  b)      Strands:

·         Twice/second

c  c)      Organizing contrasts:

·         Yesterday/today

·         Beautiful/Sewer

I believe the repetition ‘Water’ to be the most significant for arriving at ideas about what the text communicates. It is shown in most of the speeches to express the people need and how much they are suffering and how far they are going in order to satisfy their thirst, where they are begging and fighting with each other for a small drop of it.

1 3.      Anomalies:

In my opinion, Josh Neufeld seemed to avoid the government part in the story. He didn’t clarify their point view toward the issue and the reason of their reaction behind their reaction. I believe that the missing part opens up to make room for compelling new ideas; this allows one to understand and evaluate the ideas more effectively.